Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we have a great sex life. We both love getting high and making love. There is one fantasy that I would really like to live out before I die. I want to have sex with two guys. I think it would be so exciting to have a three-way and be the center of attention. My boyfriend has finally decided that he feels comfortable helping me fulfill my fantasy. How do I go about finding a decent guy we can trust to have some fun with? We don’t want to do it with someone we have an ongoing friendship with. That might get weird. – Melissa and Rudy
Dear Melissa and Rudy,
There are swing clubs in most large cities that you can find online. Go to a few meetings and take your time finding the right partner. Be open to the possibility that most swing clubs are only for couples, so you might find yourself in a foursome instead. It can be challenging to find a new friend who you can trust to share such an intimate part of your life – safely. But it can be done. Don’t rush. Give yourself a little time. Make sure you’re safe and don’t let your libido override your common sense. Swing clubs screen their members, so you’ll be in a safe situation. There are many that welcome cannabis lovers with open arms, so have fun!
Dear Hyapatia,
I’ve been with my man for five years, so sometimes I fantasize during sex to get off. Lately, my fantasies have been kinda out there. Is there something wrong with me for thinking this way? Does this mean that subconsciously I really want these things to happen? Should I stop thinking about these things? – Emily
Dear Emily,
It’s very common for men and women to have fantasies that they’d never actually want to see fulfilled. There’s nothing wrong with you; fantasies are just a vehicle for you to excite yourself in order to climax. Remember, the goal is for your body to release oxytocins and endorphins, which are essential for remaining healthy and to reducing stress. Let go of any guilt and allow yourself to have a good time. Acknowledge that you want these fantasies to remain fantasies, while remembering that they have a healthy purpose.
Dear Hyapatia,
What’s the best strain for sex? I’ve always liked indica-dominant strains, but my girlfriend says sativas are better. – Gill
Dear Gill,
It’s really up to the individual. Since everyone’s physical chemistry is slightly different, people commonly react differently to the same weed. I think there’s also a difference in how pot affects men as opposed to women – especially for sex. So it’s impossible to claim one strain is best for everyone. A woman’s favorite strain often changes throughout the month. I like the challenge of finding the one that works best for me. Try different strains until you find the optimal one for you.
Dear Hyapatia,
My man is really laid back in bed. He’s very loving and says nice things, but he kind of just lies there during sex for the most part. It would be really cool if he could be just a bit more assertive and aggressive in his desire for me. I’m not saying I want sex to be violent or anything; I just want him to have more energy and show me that he’s really into having sex with me. How can I get this across without sounding weird? – Mery
Dear Mery,
First off, stay away from indica-dominant strains before sex. Secondly, let him know you want him to be more passionate. Conversations about sex can be very stimulating. Get high together and tell him it’s more exciting for you if he shows his lust for you and is more active. Tell him what you’d like to do. Make specific suggestions about positions that you’d like to try that would involve him doing more than just lying there. Mix things up a bit by having sex in different areas of the house. I’ve always found that carpeted stairs using pillows can be very useful for a variety of positions. If you can get him thinking about variety and the complete world of sexuality, he’ll probably become more energetic and passionate in his lovemaking.
Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com.
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Pot Passion, Unsafe Sex, Shaving & Afterglow Hazards
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by Hyapatia Lee at High Times
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